my shit smells like andre
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
