I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
