Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
