I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
