Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
