This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
