If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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