how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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