I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
