Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
