I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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