this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
