i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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