Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
