I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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