Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
