I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
