I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
