hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
