if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
