My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
