no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
