five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
