He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
