So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
