But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
