Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
