this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
