I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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