HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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