The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
