So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
