I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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