I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
