I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
