So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
