Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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