Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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