Cold hands, warm shart.
i think my tv is drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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