awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
