it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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