Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
