Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
