Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she peed on how many people?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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