I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
