he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
