A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
