That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
