feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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