he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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