Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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