hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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