hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
