i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
