i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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